I’ve dealt with self-doubt a lot in my life. I was always the smallest kid anywhere I went. When I was a freshman in high school, I was 4’10” and weighed 82 pounds. I was the smallest student in the school - not the smallest boy, the smallest student. Literally every girl was taller than me. Other kids thought I was a child prodigy who skipped ahead a few years. They didn’t think I was actually high school age. (Trust me - I was no prodigy.) I wasn’t allowed to join the wrestling team because I didn’t meet the minimum weight (back then, you had to weigh at least 88 pounds to wrestle).
I did end up joining the team my sophomore year after “bulking up” to 97 pounds. I got my ass kicked for a couple years but every day, I looked at a quote that hung in our locker room:
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
(If you start following my blog, you'll learn that I LOVE quotes.)
I finally started coming into my own my senior year. Getting some wins under my belt gave me a new sense of confidence that I never had before, and learning that belief in yourself and putting in the work and being persistent will eventually lead to wins, even if those wins didn't come quickly. But I was still small and despite building some confidence through wrestling, I was always nervous and timid to try new things and I carried that mindset through the years.
I first got interested in triathlon and Ironman in 2004. I was about to sign up for a local sprint race when I said to myself, “let me make sure I can swim first.” On my third lap in a 25 yard pool, I thought I was going to drown. I didn’t sign up for that race. I was afraid of being in the middle of a lake and not being able to swim. I doubted that I had what it took to do a sprint triathlon, let alone an Ironman.
It wasn’t until 2010 when I finally sacked up, said “fuck it, I’ll figure out this swim thing” and registered for an olympic race in Park City. I finished that race last in my age group (5th out of 5) but was proud that I did it and was a “triathlete”. I still thought an Ironman was a pipe dream but started to believe that maybe - just maybe - it was possible.
Last October, I finished my 6th Ironman, got on my 2nd Ironman podium and am now a 2-time Kona qualifier. I still have a lot to work on (especially in the water) but the point is don’t ever let fear and self-doubt stop you from pursuing those big, scary dreams. It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you believe in yourself and have the desire and discipline to put in the work. Surround yourself with excellent people - people that will support your crazy ideas, people with the knowledge and experience to steer you in the right direction and people that will push you to get better every day, even if it means getting outside your comfort zone.
I sometimes wonder where my confidence would be, and if I would’ve overcome the fear of the water, if I never joined the wrestling team in high school. Even now, starting this coaching business, those thoughts of self-doubt sometimes creep back into my head. But I continue to go back to that quote and reaffirm that belief that I can build this practice so I can positively impact someone's life and, maybe, hopefully, contribute to making this world a better place.